When we place all this on the person we’re just going on a date with, it brings a ton of pressure and paves the road to objectify the person across table based on how they do at meeting our expectations.
But I can’t assume that someone I’m interested in would answer them the same way.
I’ve dated men who insist on opening doors for me and paying, and I’ve dated a guy who didn’t open doors for me because a girl from his past accused him of chauvinism when he tried to open a door for her.
And this, I think, is one of the greatest difficulties of dating today.
How are we supposed to navigate dating if no one is playing by the same rules? I have my own set up assumptions and guidelines I bring to dating, and I personally know how I would answer all of the above questions.
So instead of seeing how someone does at meeting all of your expectations, just be grateful and appreciative of what they do bring to the table.
I never assume or expect that a guy will pay on a first date, and I usually offer to split the check.But somehow, when we date, we can lose sight of this simple fact.Instead of seeing one another as humans, we can slip into thinking of the person we are dating as the sum total of all of our dating expectations and they become an object instead of a human.I know women who will ask out guys they are interested in, and I know men who would be completely turned off by that scenario.In the midst of all the chaos that comes from the absence of agreed upon rules, I’d like to suggest one dating rule that I hope we can all agree on. When I was a kid, my parents drilled into me that if I ever borrowed something, I should return it in as good or better condition than I borrowed it. What I want to keep in front of us is the simple reminder that all humans deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.However, I really appreciate if he does offer to pay. Laura Copeland loves serving the local church, and is on staff with the Small Groups team at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California.