The real challenge between us isn’t day-to-day stuff but grimmer, long-term things I ponder while nursing our 1-year-old to sleep at night. I’ll never have the luxury of imagining us expiring side-by-side, “Notebook”I focus on the perks of having an older partner: David is smarter and more worldly than any man I’ve previously dated and he’s more established – it’s nice being 29 and not having to make mortgage payments. Four years have passed since I left my job and friends in Vancouver and impulsively moved to Las Vegas to be with David.
There was just nothing they could say that would matter to me.
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain The question is simple, as life expectancy goes up and people take better and better care of themselves, do traditional notions of appropriate age differences in relationships matter?
Of course, if having children is in your plans and you’re a man, the age of your partner matters.
There are certainly ways for older women to conceive children, but most men who want families tend to try and date women who are younger than 40.
I was sad, mostly because I didn’t want proof that relationships like ours usually fail. For us – one marriage and two kids later – the age difference has proved to be a small hurdle.
Sure, I don’t know who was in “Midnight Run,” and I don’t catch his “Odd Couple”references, but that is superficial stuff compared to who gets up with the baby at a.m. And it’s hard not to let my mind wander over to the prospect of widowhood in my 60s, that golden time when other couples will be easing into retirement, finally having worked out all the kinks in their marriage. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to make our ages agree with each other.
When he received his high school diploma in 1979, I wasn’t alive. It was like I had just bought a new blue car and started seeing blue cars everywhere.
We laugh about this in private, but I know my husband would prefer I skip the old guy jokes in public. “It’s OK to have a sense of humor about it.” As the self-help bookshelf told my mom, and my mom told me: What other people think of you is none of your business. And you won’t convince me people aren’t curious; new acquaintances always fish for our ages, hoping I’ll bite and just volunteer the information. At first I lied, telling people the fake age David had originally told me. (I live in Las Vegas, after all.) I watched a sexy brunette run her fingers through the wiry gray belly hair of a lover at a casino pool.
Yes, I told myself, Las Vegas is the perfect place to have a May-December romance.
Six months later my high-fiving friend left her old husband for a young guy. But no one knows why one relationship is an eternal flame and another is just a birthday candle.
During our Q & A, while the recorder was still running, David invited me to a barbecue.